Happiness

Happiness can take shape in many different ways, and it comes from many different sources, but to start at the beginning let's just say this: Happiness is feeling happy.

Feeling happy is something that's very personal, because it's defined by what you feel.  Sometimes, feeling happy comes from feeling satsified.  You like the way your day turned out, or you're proud of the way you did something.  Over the course of your life, I hope, a lot of things will leave you happy in this way. 

Sometimes, feeling happy is just a plain old feeling that washes over you.  You smile or you think you want to tap your feet or even dance or you do tap your feet or even dance; you feel like your body wants to jump out of its skin because what's inside you is bigger than you are.  In moments like this, there's not a whole lot of thinking involved.  In those cases, you just feel what you feel and you go with it. 

Happiness is something that can spread from person to person, too.  If you smile, if you feel good down to the depths of your heart, then it's quite likely that you can share this feeling with others and they, too, will feel like you.  There are notable exceptions, of course.  Sometimes, the thing that made you happy is the exact same thing that made another person sad (unfortunately, this can and will happen in life;  and you should know that you'll find yourself on both sides of that equation).  Then, it's usually not a good idea to try and spread the happiness.  It might end in cross words or even a restraining order, particularly if the source of the happiness/sorrow involves a sporting event, or a divorce decree.

Sometimes, happiness occurs even when the event that triggers it seem very sad, on its face.  Some things are pretty self-explanatory.  Having a gloomy outlook or a bunch of macabre interests doesn't preclude being happy, it just means that things that other people might not immediately associate with happiness do, in fact, give you joy.  Rainy days are a kind of featherweight example, so also consider things like being fascinated with werewolves, shark attacks, natural disasters, the works of William S. Burroughs, Berlioz, or Edward Gorey or, if that's not dark enough for you, people like GG Allin or the Misfits, famous criminals, not-so-famous criminals...the list goes on and on, and I'm sure you'll figure out things well more intense than this during your rebellious teenage years.

But happiness in spite of sadness has a deeper purpose, and no matter your outlook on life, it is an essential concept to wrap your head around.  Hear me out, because this is actually a pretty great kind of happiness.   The way you get to it is by going through something that hurts you, but looking at the entirety of the situation and finding a reason to be happy in spite of the sadness.  Let's use one of the all time most powerful sadnesses in existence for our example: death.

Say someone you know, someone who you love very deeply, dies (more on this later, unfortunately).  The sadness you feel will probably involve things like missing this person, wishing they were still with you, wishing they were able to still enjoy the good things that life has to offer, wishing you could just see them again or you could tell them something that you had meant to but never gotten around to saying. etc.

Now, those are very real, very powerful reasons to feel sad.  However, even accepting all of those things, and accepting the sadness that comes along with them, you can dig in your heels and find happiness in the situation, as well.  The way to do that is, in spite of all of the hurt you feel in the current situation, you start picking out all of the good things that were necessarily involved, as well.  For instance, you feel a sense of loss because you loved this person so much.  There's a start.  You can focus on the fact that you had such a good relationship with this person that you were able to feel love (and to feel loved by that person, too).  You can think about the good, special times you had, and how those moments made your life richer.

At this point, you're probably thinking I'm trying to sell you a bill of goods (more on weird expressions later).  I'm not saying that finding things to be happy about in a sad situation takes away the sadness.  That would be an example of what we in the parenting industry refer to as "lying to your kids."  But, it does make things better.  Because...

In life, you're probably going to want to find lots and lots of happiness.  You're going to want to seek it in the obviously good things (a small example: family, friends, a sense of self-worth, a sense of adventure, a feeling that life has something to offer, watching your favorite team go through a perfect season, trying a delicious food for the first time, trying a delicious food for the second time and realizing that it's just as good, looking back on the moment that you first met the love of your life, hearing a song that moves you, reading a book that moves you, being moved by a movie, being moved in general, the day you get your driver's license, the day you move into your first place on your own, the day when you move into your first place with the love of your life, the day, oh, I don't know, that you find out you're going to be a parent...).

And you want to be able to find it in the not so good things.  A fact of life, and we can debate about whether it's a cruel fact or not, is that bad things are going to happen.  The trick to whether or not this will eat you alive is getting good at finding the reasons to be happy in the face of the setbacks.  I know you can do this.  I also know that you won't always be able to do this.  That's ok.  But, and this is a big one: you've got to do it.  It makes life infinitely better.  Even though sad things happen, goodness triumphs.  It really does. 

And that's a pretty convincing reason to be happy.